Ragged and haggard,
My body was exhausted, and my mind was scattered,
My once-beautiful dress was torn into shreds,
Mud turned blue into gray; blood changed white into red.
My hair no longer believed in shining,
My spine refused to support my standing,
Air had a hard time finding its way into my lungs,
Wrinkled, freckled, my skin failed to stay young.
My poor eyes were drowned in sorrow,
Rage was burning up inside my torso,
I knew I was far away from my last day,
I knew this journey was only half way.
My heart drummed irregular beats to warn,
Cautioning I might not have enough strength to go on,
I ran fingers through my ashy hair,
It was my first effort to attempt self care.
Knot after knot, my feeble fingers failed to untangle,
Even tiny hair strands fought back like ferocious rebels,
My existence drained its limitless energy source,
My complexion explained the absence of inner life force.
I finally gathered the much-needed courage,
I dragged my body to the mirror to assess the damage,
It was time to put a face to the familiar name,
To confront the aftermath of the battle between love and shame.
Although I had survived the great war,
I was still covered with wounds and sores,
Let the image of myself remind me of the story,
Let my eyes visually witness the new version of me.
I prayed for support from the Moon and the Sun,
Taking a deep breath, I looked up to meet my own reflection.
When my eyes met my eyes, I lost my words,
I was certain I was either damned or cursed,
But that woman in front of me took my breath away,
Self assured, confident, glowed with golden rays.
I barely recognized myself smiling back at me,
I was expecting to see an entirely different reality,
My hair was radiant and luscious,
My skin seemed velvety and wondrous.
Upright, humble, gentle, yet fearless,
I stood tall with dignity like a Divine Lioness,
My mind struggled trying to make sense of things,
When did I turn into this magnificent being?
Trust was stolen from me in my sleep,
Betrayal stabbed me in the back; those cuts were deep,
My compassion was accused of being a fraud,
My morality was ostracized by others’ ill thoughts.
But as a child, I was trained to tolerate insults,
So I didn’t run away from toxicity as an adult,
For decades, my intricate being was taken for granted,
Eventually, doubt moved in, and faith became contaminated.
So much uniqueness and magic went unnoticed,
My inner child was left in confusion and anguish,
Those scars were still permanent imprints on my soul,
However, now they played a different role.
No longer evidence of how I was a victim,
But proof of a brave warrior dancing to divine rhythm,
Slowly the aches and pains started to fade,
My mind was getting clear and able to concentrate.
My dress regained its original colors,
Actually, they appeared more vibrant and very much brighter,
My heart found peace and openness,
Breathing and believing became effortless.
Bitterness was gradually slipping away,
I got to witness my divine self that day.
Writer’s Notes: Started and finished in August of 2018. Final revision today, April 2, 2023. Air hugs to everyone who is going through or has gone through spiritual growth.
