Bad Kitty
I need you to feed me,
It is now half past three,
My dinner last night wasn’t enough ,
I am hungry for a snack.
I am the queen of the house,
Know that I no longer catch a mouse,
We don’t do that anymore,
As it would dirty our paws.
On behalf of my indoor pride,
We’re more powerful than our size,
Remember if you give us a quarter cup,
During the night, we will wake you up!
Clear the path by the window sills,
We like to hang out there still,
Let us outside to be in the sun,
Long enough for us to get attention
from the birds, the bugs, and the bees,
But we won’t be climbing trees.
That’s for old school outdoor cats,
We are better than that!
We pretend to look ferocious,
Just enough to make the birds nervous.
Then we want to get back in the house,
So that we can lie on the couch,
We don’t need that much attention,
But when we do, we need every second.
And if you don’t play it nice,
Your leather couch will pay the price,
All of a sudden, we want to claw
everything next to our paws.
Our advice is for you to give in,
Let us do all your scheduling —
4 am is feeding time,
If you want us to stay calm,
6 am is for earthing,
Getting fresh air is an important thing.
We can plot this all day long,
If it helps, we can write you a rhyming song,
So that you guys can remember,
Way after this conversation’s over.
I’ll be back to voice more needs,
We don’t want to end up on the street,
We create our strategy
to train you gradually.
The goal is that one day,
Humans will have NO say,
While cats rule everything in the house,
Including all the spots on the couch!
Writer’s Notes: Completed in May 2018 — If my cat could talk… Please click HERE for Bad Kitty II (Sequel) and Bad Kitty 3, featuring Bad Mommy.
